Scatology for trail runners

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Ultrarunners spend a great deal of unproductive time in nature. And you are not alone. Lots of dumb animals spend their entire lives living outdoors. Here's a quick guide to recognizing who your outdoor loving neighbors are. Why? Because poop is funny.

Bear scat varies significantly depending on diet. It's a large scat. So if it's large and not something you recognize, you're probably looking at bear poop. I hope you have bear spray. Examine the scat. If you see bits of human teeth and hair, run back to your car. If not, spray the poop and carry on. 

Deer

Deer. Found all over North America, whether mule or white tail, it all comes out the same in the end, from the end. Pellets may be loose or lumped together. This deer was kind enough to leave a tip to the cleaner. If you see deer scat, dig deep in there - there may be a tip for you, too.

Elk

Elk. They look like deer droppings but are naturally larger. Each pellet may be the size of a nickel, as shown in the picture. Elk leave smaller tips than deer.

Moose

Moose. You may like chocolate covered almonds. You may love chocolate covered almonds. And chocolate covered almonds are full of proteins and sugar to fuel your runs. If you find a cluster of chocolate covered almonds in the forest, chances are they are not chocolate covered almonds, but instead moose scat. I would advise you not to eat them. Instead, pass some to your trail buddy for some mid-run laughs.

How much would you pay for this treatment?

Cow. Cow dung therapy. Try this on your next trail run through grazing land. "It is not just the cows’ urine that provides protection for the Mundari people. Tribesmen smear peach-coloured ash on their skin – and that of their cows – from dung fires."

Horse.

Horse. Easily the most entertaining of scats. Dogs enjoy eating them. Runners enjoy playing C.S.I., trying to estimate how long it's been since the horses passed through and how many there must have been. And horse poop is always a reassuring sign to lost trail runners that they are on an actual trail. Win-win-win!

My rabbit!

Rabbit. That's my rabbit pictured. Rabbits are cute. Rabbit poop cute little pellets. Even the pellets are almost cute enough to snuggle. But they poop a lot! A lot! If I pooped a third of my weight every day, I'd be hopping, too!

Coyote. Often found in the middle of a double track or fire road, imbibed with hair and berries. Hair indicates that it's been eating well. When they are really hungry, coyotes will resort to eating berries. They can't really digest berries, though, which is why you hear them howling at night.

Dog

Dog. I don't know how they do it, but a lot of dogs seem to poop into plastic bags and tie them up before leaving their scat on the side of a trail. Do people feed their dogs plastic bags?

Human. Hopefully, you won't encounter any human feces on your trail runs. Runners don't have or take the time nor equipment that backpackers do for taking care of business. Still, that's no excuse for not making a functioning cathole or poop soup. So if it's out in the open, there is a fair chance it's one of these guys or Dany DeVito.