A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Weekend

April 03, 2018

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Weekend

“Duke’s ‘honey I found the morons 50k’” - Anil

Who has two thumbs, only one brain, and is training for a skyrace this year? THIS GUY!!!! April Fools Day 2018 found a lot of fools. An idea for a training run that I thought would appeal to virtually nobody actually drew a decent crowd. This was an idea so dumb that the only day I could think of hosting it was April Fool’s Day. Of course, being a fool myself, I overlooked the fact that it fell on Easter Sunday. After some egging on by my spouse, we made this a 2-day event - come Saturday, come Sunday, or better yet, both!

Did someone say 'Dogmeat'!?!?!

“This candy ass trail isn’t actually very steep nor particularly challenging. Yawn.” - John Burton

The course itself was parsimonious and elegant in design. Climb the 2-mile +1,000 ft ascent of Limekiln trail to “base camp”, and then repeatedly climb up and down one of the Bay Area’s notorious climbs, the 1.5 mile +1,000 ft fire road affectionately called “Dogmeat”. No shade, no water, no support, no cheering crowds, but relentless heat of an early summer weekend, with high temps near 80F. Sound like fun yet? How about running Dogmeat 10 times? Now does it sound like fun? It’s actually three runs:

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day 50k. 10 “loops” of Dogmeat, plus hauling your day’s supply of food and water up Limekiln. Approximately 32 miles, +11,000 ft of ascent, but with all the downhills, it’s a net zero climb. Also net zero distance, but the devil is in the details.
The Johnny Double. 6 loops on Saturday and 6 loops on Sunday. Two days and 40 miles of fun, named in honor of local Barkley Marathon runner, Johnny Burton, recently deflowered after covering two loops, 40 miles over two days.
The Fun Run. 5 loops of Dogmeat, fun for the whole family. Bring the kids and grandma, because it’s just 19 miles and +6,000 ft of ascent!

The fun begins... now!

“This is the worst possible training/taper for AR next week… but need to support such lunacy” - Adam Blum

Saturday morning, I met Adam, Ramiro, and Bob at the trailhead for the trek up to base camp. Jeff, Jenny, Anil and Jason had gotten early starts. Larry, Behnam, Cynthia, Di and more would join later. It was probably the most fun that Dogmeat would see all year. It was certainly the most fun I’ve had on Dogmeat all year. I usually suffer alone. I don’t know if misery loves company, but I love company when I’m miserable.

What do you want to run with? Indian? Asian? Mexican?

“Left my stomach contents on the trail back to Limekiln.” - Jeff Pace

Jeff and Jenny were the first to end their days as they had to pick up their mother at the train station. Some people and their priorities, am I right? Anyway, Jenny got three loops in. Jeff hurried to finish his fourth loop, although that’s still technically a DNF - not even a fun run. I have to admit, he certainly left it all out on the trail.

“What? Why?” - Sunaad Nataraju

It was a rough day for me. I hurt my back a week earlier and never fully recovered. My chiropractor said I might have sprained something something sciatica. I don’t remember what else she said. As she talked, I kept picturing Al Pacino screaming “Sciatica! Sciatica!”. Anyway, running was pretty difficult, so I shuffled when I could and managed the first 6 loops of the Johnny Double.

Anil has 10 fingers - one for each ascent

“Oh man, was that fun” - Anil Rao

By the time I left, only Anil, Jason and Behnam were left. The last time I saw Jason, he was nearly collapsed on the side of the trail. I suggested he motivate himself another 50 yards to the shade but that didn’t seem likely to happen. Behnam was only on his fourth loop but out of water. Realistically, I half expected that only Anil was going to finish all ten loops. Like a teenage girl, I had to constantly check social media all afternoon to discover that Jason did indeed man up and finish his ten loops shortly after Anil did. Not only that, Behnam ran his fifth loop, then down Limekiln back to his car for more water, and then ran back to finish another five loops. That’s an extra 4 miles and + 1,000 ft. It’s time to “Behn up!”

Megan and Jessie completing their first climb

“Dogmeat 7x - more fun than it should have been” - Jessi Goldstein

Sunday morning, I miraculously partially recovered. At least I could walk. Where as my previous back injuries seem to recover within a few days, this one was only improving at a glacial pace. I usually reserve glacial pace for the last few hours of an ultra. I at least had energy to attempt the second half of my Johnny Double, if not the time. Miriam came along to stake her claim at Ultra-idiot Rookie of the Year. Just three months removed from pancake flat Ohio, she pulled a double ascent of Dogmeat. On our way up Limekiln, we caught up to Jessi and Megan farmer carrying a gallon of water in each hand. I should mention that the two of them just ran the San Jose 50k the day before. As General McAullife might say, “NUTS!” The four of us ran the first two loops together but Miriam and I left to attend to family business. Jessi and Megan were left to their devices on the mountain. They didn’t complete the 50k, but 7 loops later, they are still nuts.

Nuts!

“Duke recruited a bunch of morons to do something really dumb… I almost blacked out 3-4 times, spent lots of time laying on the ground questioning my life choices, and had wicked hamstring cramps at the end… Thanks, Duke, for organizing!” - Jason Chan

I think we’re all questioning our life choices, Jason.

photo credit: myself, Ramiro, Anil, Jason, Ashley

Wall of Shame

50k

Anil Rao

Jason Chan

Behnram Kamrani

Johnny Double

No finishers

Fun Run

Bob Callahan, 5 loops

Di Sha, 6 loops (25 mi. starting at Kennedy Rd)