2023 TERRIBLE HORRIBLE NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY

April 02, 2023

2023 TERRIBLE HORRIBLE NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY

The sixth running of the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day 50k could have been all of those things, but noooooo. We have weeks of relentless rain, hail, snow, even effin' tornadoes but by the time race day for THNGVBD rolls around, the weather is perfect. Trails softened by the recent rains, tampered dust, cool temps and a light breeze. Damn this winter!

You may be asking what is a THNGVBD? How do you pronounce it? Is there a vaccine for it? So many questions. This is just a trail run that kinda looks like a race. You can pronounce it any way you want. You can even pronounce it dead. There is no vaccine but it is easily avoidable.

In any case, the run is on the "Dogmeat" segment in Sierra Azul above Los Gatos. The segment is 1.5 miles each way, with 1000 ft of elevation gain. The run is ostensibly 10 times up and down (50k, +10,000 ft), or the 5x "fun run", or the 2x Puppymeat. There is no coordinated start time or aid provided. You have to bring all your supplies and carry them up to the bottom of the hill - the bottom being 2 miles and 1,000 ft up a trail from the parking lot. I met Ivan at the trailhead pre-dawn. It hadn't dawned on him, though, that he had to carry his gear that far. Good thing for him, and more for me, that he had a headlamp for this part of the journey.

As has been the case the last couple of years, the race was officially sold out. Why? I don't know. Haven't they read the course description? Don't they know that their running friends will ridicule them for even signing up? Legend has it, this race is a Western States disqualifier.

This is my third time hosting this race since I moved away to SoCal. Last year I forgot to bring my supplies with me. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice, at least not twice in a row. Instead, I brought everything but left my hat and sunglasses in the car when I headed up the trail. Slow and steady progress. Next year, the only thing I'll forget is the punchline to this joke. In any case, that's why the photos of me don't look as good as normal this year - y'all get my full butternut squash of a face instead of the one gussied up and more respectful looking.

Some of the usual suspects and a lot of new faces this year. My frequent local trail partner, Ramiro, wasn't available though, "vacationing" with his "wife" in "Mexico". For the record, it costs $600 for airfare, $1200 for a week of hotel and food to hide from this $5 race. Don't worry about him. He doesn't suffer from ROMO, he enjoys it. ROMO - relief on missing out.

The first time up Dogmeat is always a treat. The more time you spend away from it, the more time you want to spend away from it. But on THNGVBD day, you never know who's already on the trail. There is always some nutjob that's like half-way through his 10 repeats already. But I woke up at 3AM at the hotel and got an early start. I realized that to most people, it was I that is the nutjob. Gonna have to think about that one.

At the top of Dogmeat, there were two hikers that came up the other way on Kennedy trail. With lawn chairs, a jetboil, and coffee. Our first fans. A few more years, and THNGVBD will have a UTMB-like atmosphere. Sign up and get your stones now while they're cheap.

As the day progressed, more veteran faces made their appearances. Itao, Anil, Antonya, Sylvie, Bob, Nigel, Alison, our ultimate veteran, Jim Magill, and more. Anil was one of just four of us on our inaugural year. And I was especially glad to see Nigel because it meant his wife Margaret was going to bring home made cookies to her open aid station. Bless her heart. I expressed condolences that therapy clearly didn't work out because here she is again after doing this last year.

I came in with several injuries this year. I rolled my ankle and that was being stubborn to heal. I sprained the intercostal muscles in my ribs and my left shoulder. And I just got a viscosupplementation gel injection on my bad knee on Monday. Somehow, everything was still holding together for the first four laps.

By the time I started the fifth lap, it was starting to feel a bit warm. I had changed from long sleeve to tank top. Now, after seeing Sylvie running at record speed in all pink, it was time to put on my lucky pink shorts. With the cool breeze tickling my thighs, I was able to make quick work of the uphill. Whether I was actually fast or not doesn't matter. I felt fast. Next time, I should try painting racing stripes on my legs.

My knee was starting to have a very bad day though. It was feeling no good on the downhill. I could still run brief bursts but spent a fair chunk of time walking, hoping the pain might subside for a bit, at least until I had finished the Fun Run. I guess, what fun is it without joint pain? By the time I finished #5, Antonya had gone home, Ashley was done, and Sylvie had enough time to go home, shower, tend to the garden, write the great Czech-American novel, and hike back up with her baby.

I've kinda forgotten how bad all ultras feel. Maybe after Covid, I just don't have the taste to suffer? I set out to walk one more, #6, because why not? You never know if you might get better after putting on a few more miles. At least it gave me some time to chat with Jim, Darlene, and birthday girl Terri. I grabbed my barfy Baldy picture from the summit and made my way down

Finally, it was time for the walk of shame - ferrying enough supplies for 4 more laps down the 2 miles to my car at the trailhead. At least this isn't part of race time so I could take my time, not that I could go any faster. I wonder what the passing hikers thought of my pink shorts? Oh, one more thing I realized that I forgot, the "official" t-shirt was left in my car. If you want your own, you can order it here from the t-shirt store. Kinda like an "I'm with stupid" shirt, but it's more like "I am stupid" shirt.

People kept thanking me all day for putting "this" together. I don't know what that means. It's just a dumb idea. Like, if all your friends jump off a bridge, would you? No. But if it was on ultrasignup? Sylvie even calls the THNGVBD better than Christmas. All I can say is that her husband, Chris, needs to step up his holiday game. At least she didn't say it's better than sex.

Now that the race is over, you have to start asking yourself some questions. Now is the time to second guess your life choices. My best advice to you is to find out when next year's race is going to be and sign up for anything else happening that weekend. Rock-n-roll half marathon? Sounds fun. Vegas with the college buddies? What an adventure. PTA board meeting? Productive. Do it now. Next year, the THNGVBD will be held in February or April or March or 2025. So make those plans now!