2021 Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day 50k

February 28, 2021

2021 Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day 50k

It’s been an undeniably terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year of Covid, lockdowns, elections, and gender reveal parties. What better way to put it behind us than to run up a terrible hill, keep doing it until our legs, calves, feet and glutes feel horrible, do it a no good ten times, all prompted by one very bad race instigator? Welcome to the fourth installment of the THNGVBD 50k.

This is the best thing I’ve seen on Ultrasignup. - Amelia Boone

For those unfamiliar with the course, the race itself is just a simple hill repeat. Granted, it’s 1.5 miles and +1000 ft of vert each, but it’s just a straight switchback-free fire road, known affectionately here as Dogmeat because of the way your legs feel after climbing them once, much less five or ten times, otherwise it’d be called Dogpoop. It also starts 2 miles and a thousand feet up from the trailhead. This being nothing more than a glorified fat-ass, not that there's much glory in it, participants have to haul their day's supplies up themselves and set up their own station at the Limekiln-Priest Rock junction. Of course, they are free to enlist their own volunteers and pacers but if you can’t find a friend dumb enough to pace or crew you at this insipid race, congratulations, you’re the dumb one in your friend group.

Omg, 10x ??? Why - Nadja Heine

February 27th. We had the first event originally on April Fools Day, then moved it to “National Everything You Do Is Right Day”, then Leap Day, and now we’re stuck at the end of February. Being the bastard that I am, I was hoping for rain, but a drought year made for perfect conditions, sunny but with a starting temp of 39, getting only into the mid-50s. No sufferfest here. Nope, not at all.

Fat ass events always have a high no-show rate. THNGVBD is certainly no exception as many people come to their senses between that drunken night when they clicked on ultrasignup to race morning. Arriving at the dark trailhead at 5:50 am, I was both delighted and disappointed to see a half dozen cars already there. Why disappointed? Because if this race stays popular, then I have to keep running the stupid thing. Sigh.

Heading up the first climb in nothing but moonlight (I was wearing shorts and a shirt, you thirsty pervs), I was reminded of the last time I was on Limekiln, I was doing the Sylvie Azul 50k when I’d also forgotten my headlamp. See a pattern yet? Fortunately neither darkness of trail nor dimness of mind would keep me from this endeavor.

This is a crazy one - Mirna Valerio

I saw the first set of early birds, Jessi and Darlene, Sam, Krishna, and Ramiro. I hadn’t seen mi novio since we moved to SoCal a few months ago and wanted to run with him, but he got an early start and would have to make up 15 minutes or lose 30. That’s one of the fun things about this course, you see everyone back and forth 20 times. Sorta like a washing machine style loop but since it’s not a loop but an out and back, it’s more like piston pounding up and down. Speaking of pounding, at the top of the climbs, I still had to fulfill this stupid challenge I started earlier in the week and grind out burpees, push-ups and shit. That I ran an extra 28 miles on top of the 3 mile minimum doesn’t count for jack. Thanks, Joe Decker.

fuuuuuunky moooonkey! - Jose Cruz

Sam easily lapped all of us and left before the other speedsters showed up. Maybe if he had known how fast Steven and Blair we’re going to be, he’d have gone faster. And for everyone comparing times, I’d like to point out that these youngsters are half my age! No wait, I can’t be that old. Nope. Disregard what i just said. By the way, did you know that denial is not just a river in Egypt, It's also two old geezers on a trail running with 20-something year olds.

Speaking of geezer, Ramiro kept a steady gap on me from his head start heading into the 5th lap. I climbed up with late arrival Holly. This was her first time ever up Dogmeat and I was privileged to be her guide. "Oh, do you like this short steep section? Well then, you are in for a real treat!", I would tell her several times. Before the end of the 5th downhill, we caught up to Ramiro. He took to heart the ultrarunner mantra, bonk early, bonk hard and bonk often.

that doesn’t sound like fun at all - Jamey Slaton

And that my friends is why 5 laps is the fun run. It might get challenging, it might get hard but then it's over. For those of us doing the 10x, lap 6 is when it gets terrible, horrible, no good and then about 3 hours later, very bad. It doesn't matter how fast or slow you're going or how much faster you think someone else is going, it's all sufferfest, or as they might say in Spanish, fiesta del sufrimiento. Hey, that does make it sound more fun, doesn't it?

While Ramiro and I both wanted to drop after 5 laps and then again after 6, and so on, I wasn't about to sit around questioning my life choices. I wasn't allowed. My wife said that after driving all this way up here, I had better spend the entire day on the trail! Such spouseness. Besides, I had in my head that we should do 10. I don't know how these other guys like “4 lap” Jeff Pace have the willpower to listen to their bodies and say, hey enough is enough. This was the second time Jeff ran 4 and declined to finish the fun run! Me, I'm easily suggestible. Float an idea and I'll run with it. Like the time we saw a couple eating an ice cream cone and I immediately turned to Martha and said "I want an ice cream cone now. Else you're gonna have to sex me up!" Needless to say, i got my ice cream cone.

Side story for you single guys confused by the inexplicable Sophie's choice above: When you've been married 20+ years and you want something, don't threaten your wife that you're gonna run off and have find someone else willing to have sex with you. She will LOL hard in your face. Instead, threaten to stay home and have sex with her! Hey, either way it works. You get to register for yet another race on ultrasignup, or you get the sex. Win-win.

You get to meet lots of awesome people on this piston course. Rajeev the Magnificent came out to cheer, as he called it, my millionth time up Dogmeat. Former champ and former fun run record holder John Burton dragged his kid up. We were paying respects to Jessi Goldstein for her 100+ times up Mt. Tam last year, but then she quickly turns around and points to someone awesomer who did it 200+ times. Such humble we are, i suspect because deep down we know how stupid we are and want to deflect to someone stupider. JK. Speaking of awesomer, THNGVBD veteran Kiran Krishnamurthy spent the day doing 28 repeats of Hill 88 to Everest, 28k ft of vert over 107 miles! Just wow!

Steven Cool blew up the old record by 17 minutes on the fun run. 2:13 for 5 times up and down Dogmeat! With legs that fast and a name like that, one has to wonder… what's his middle name? Plaid? Toshi nearly broke the record for the 10x, pulling the second fastest time at 5:36. He started late, me thinks to fool Stuart. He kept us slow 50k runners company.

Did you at least get a t-shirt? - Pan Sohmnhot

Late afternoon, at the top of my final summit, the niggles turned into nargles. The sprained knee finally turned into some real pain and those pistons started misfiring. Not to worry. This was a surfing injury and I was only running 33 miles. I just had to walk the last 3. Sylvie joined us at the end, and even awarded me a t-shirt. That I’m an ultrarunner, that I’m now the only 3-time THNGVBD 50k finisher? No one cares.

Hey wanna run tomorrow? - Tony Molfino

The day after the race and my body is a wreck. Stiff and not in a good way. I'm still on the Gut Check (the Suck) Challenge, so like my fellow Suckers, I have to find my way to 3 miles and 90 burpees today somehow. I may wait until 11:30pm. We slow runners are used to making it just before cutoff.