Spot the Dum on Um at Sierra Azul 3 Peaks Challenge

Spot is exempt from leash laws

In our self obsessed little world of trail running, some of the most traumatic events of 2020 have been the cancellation of all our favorite races. People can react emotionally and erratically, and I see many of them doing unthinkable things. Running treadmills, riding bicycles and spending time with their families! Not to fear, Sylvie gave us a race that cannot be cancelled. A difficult course, no set date, and set up your own Go Fund Me for an aid station.

Why would I want to do this? Because… reasons. First of all, registration fees go toward helping puppies. If only they gave puppies as prizes, I might have run faster. Second of all, the course was straightforward and simple enough that even I couldn’t get lost. Climb a peak, climb the next biggest peak you see, Mt. Umunhum, and follow your breadcrumbs back over the first peak, 30 miles and +7,000 ft. And finally, start on your own, spend the first ten miles by yourself, hope that someone actually showed up to give some aid, finish the last ten miles by yourself with absolutely nothing but imagined glory as no one is going to see you finish. For an introvert like myself, that’s just golden. Even better than 6 ft social distancing behind masks and working from home.

On Sunday, October 25th, I started on my solo 50k adventure. Rewinding a bit, on the evening of the 23rd, I decided I should try the 50k. On the 24th, somehow it seemed appropriate to spend the entire day drinking wine with the neighbors. Step back a week, on Oct 16th, my back went out and I spent most of the week struggling to get up and down. True, I always had trouble getting down, but this was more than just being unable to dance, if I stayed like this much longer, my wife would realize how much older her husband really is and come to her senses! So that Friday morning, realizing that I could indeed run, albeit all of 200 yards, I decided to man up and try out this 30 miler.

Spot the darkness

Of course, things didn’t go too well. Because…. excuses. My 0’dark thirty start kept things slow as in my hangover haze I left my headlamp at home, right about where my lazy ass also wanted to be. So I shuffled through the dark canopied Limekiln trail. Imagining cougars stalking me was comforting but they’d probably stay away after all the horse doodies I tromped through in the dark. 

By the time I reached the top of the first climb, 4.5 miles in, I’d already gone farther than I did all month! While nursing a bad back, I considered the possibility of turning back early, but by then I’d already done 4.5, what’s another 25.5? Heck, that’s not even a marathon! 

I just followed the bright light of Venus above the first summit. Much to my chagrin, the star then moved above El Sombroso and then over Mt. Umunhum. With my luck, the stars would end up having me do hill repeats. One thing that went my way is that by the time I crested El Som, the sun was rising. Not only could I see the trail, but that annoying planet was gone too (maybe it was Alderaan?). 

Mi novio especial Ramiro was waiting for me at Bald Mt, but first Bob came running down to meet me and we climbed up Barlow. Haven’t seen Bob in a while and have never seen him looking like a hippie but I guess that’s what shelter-in-place does to a guy. We found Ramiro shivering on the ridge. This turned out to be the first cold run of the year. We hadn’t made our mental adjustments to long sleeves instead of tanks, soup instead of soda, nor staying indoors instead of spending the day on a freezing mountain. The three of us ran up to the summit of Mt. Umunhum together, joined by Ashley too. Later topping off my 3 bottles, I left the social part of this run to “enjoy” the last 10 miles solo. 

Incredible Hulk in the head, Bruce Banner in the legs

A funny thing happened on the way to this quorum. All the moving around had my back feeling footloose and free. Usually I enjoy a stiff one <insert alcoholic or gay joke>, but it was a relief that I didn’t have to DNF due to my tenuous spinal situation. That didn’t last forever though, as by mile 24, on the final major climb, I could tell my right lumbar was tightening up and I was probably leaning more to the right than I liked. And this, just a week before the election! At the top, I picked up a bottle of water I stashed on the way out, and slowly made my way down. 

Eight and some hours later, I finished my first 50k since February. The slowest non-skyrace 50k for me. Still, with an injured back, and my consistent 40 miles per month training, not to mention zero in July and August, I’ll take It. The lesson is, if your standards for finish time are low enough, who the heck needs to train? No brain, no train. No need to explain.

If you want to know more about the course, I have that as an exercise for the reader. Sign up. http://ultrasignup.com/register.aspx?did=79271