2018 January Fat-Asstard - Nisene Marks
The course was switched for easier logistics and safety, allowing someone to DNF other than 10 miles deep into the forest. We would set up "camp" at George's picnic area in the park and run two loops. The first loop was supposed to be 25km and the second loop 10km. IRL (in real life), the first loop was 20km and the second loop was 15km, so still 35 total but not in the way that was originally thought. Yes, you're with idiot.
I'd hadn't been to Nisene Marks in the 4 plus years I lived in the area. Getting to the start was simple enough. What a beautiful drive. Paid my $8 park fee and got a great spot. Loren and Marty were missing, coming late to the party after Apple Maps diverted them nearly a mile away.
The first loop took us up Aptos Creek Rd, a "fire" road covered in pine needles. After 4 miles of modest but steady climbing (~1200 ft gain), we got to the Top of the Incline. It's actually not the top. It's where an old logging railroad ended. Relief quickly turned to something other than relief because we still had another mile and a half of climbing to do. The hill was not too steep, which unfortunately meant running not walking. I had to run, chasing Tim and Loren up the entire way. Tim, who's race results include a 104th place finish at Way To Cool 50k, which I think puts him in the top 3% at that ginormous race. And Loren, who's calves are so lean I started counting individual blood cells in his veins.
The downhill via West Ridge "Road" was glorious, beautiful single track. I felt as giddy as an ewok on the third moon of Endor. At time though, I thought we were at Fall Creek in that Loren (twice), Stephen and Marty took turns falling on the trail. We quickly arrived back to our cars after crossing over the bridge spanning the 70ft deep ravine. Loren and Marty would attempt to find their cars again with Siri guiding. Stephen and New Jim traipsed off on a gentle 4 mile route up the canyon. Now, I would be chasing Tim the next 6, correction, 9 miles on the Maple Falls-Loma Pieta Loop.
The route up Bridge Creek Trail was gorgeous enough, but the trail got even better on the Maple Falls out-n-back. "Trail" is rather a grandiose term describing this route, which is really just up a creek with an occasional trail carved on the side of the canyon. Check out Ginger Runner's youtube video here. The falls itself weren't impressive on the water flow meter, but I can't wait to come back here to soak on a warm summer day.
Between the driving, the five hours of running, snacking and lunch afterwards, I was gone from 7AM until 3PM, the second Saturday in a row where my first greeting to wife and kids would not be "good morning", but "bon soir". I was surely testing the patience of my loving ultrarunner widow, who sent me this via text.
The short-short version:
Wife: Let's go our for breakfast in the morning at 8AM"
Husband (some time later): I cannot. I will run for 7 hours +/- an hour, unless I get hurt, then it will take longer
Wife: You are an idiot.
Which got me thinking. Russell Peters said that 14-year olds should have ridiculous dreams. Mine was to be the next Weird Al Yankovic. Sadly, for me, I lacked chops on the accordion, and although both Al and I were funny looking, his was more in the comical sense and my visage was funny in the way that one's stomach feels funny. Anyway, in that vein, here is a non-musical parody of Green Day's American Idiot that probably reflects how my wife feels right about now.
Why'd I marry an ultrarunning idiot
Well maybe 'cuz my husband's so tryin'
The first loop took us up Aptos Creek Rd, a "fire" road covered in pine needles. After 4 miles of modest but steady climbing (~1200 ft gain), we got to the Top of the Incline. It's actually not the top. It's where an old logging railroad ended. Relief quickly turned to something other than relief because we still had another mile and a half of climbing to do. The hill was not too steep, which unfortunately meant running not walking. I had to run, chasing Tim and Loren up the entire way. Tim, who's race results include a 104th place finish at Way To Cool 50k, which I think puts him in the top 3% at that ginormous race. And Loren, who's calves are so lean I started counting individual blood cells in his veins.
 |
| Loren and Tim at the false summit |
The downhill via West Ridge "Road" was glorious, beautiful single track. I felt as giddy as an ewok on the third moon of Endor. At time though, I thought we were at Fall Creek in that Loren (twice), Stephen and Marty took turns falling on the trail. We quickly arrived back to our cars after crossing over the bridge spanning the 70ft deep ravine. Loren and Marty would attempt to find their cars again with Siri guiding. Stephen and New Jim traipsed off on a gentle 4 mile route up the canyon. Now, I would be chasing Tim the next 6, correction, 9 miles on the Maple Falls-Loma Pieta Loop.
 |
| The full route resembling a Georgia O'Keefe painting |
The route up Bridge Creek Trail was gorgeous enough, but the trail got even better on the Maple Falls out-n-back. "Trail" is rather a grandiose term describing this route, which is really just up a creek with an occasional trail carved on the side of the canyon. Check out Ginger Runner's youtube video here. The falls itself weren't impressive on the water flow meter, but I can't wait to come back here to soak on a warm summer day.
Between the driving, the five hours of running, snacking and lunch afterwards, I was gone from 7AM until 3PM, the second Saturday in a row where my first greeting to wife and kids would not be "good morning", but "bon soir". I was surely testing the patience of my loving ultrarunner widow, who sent me this via text.
The short-short version:
Wife: Let's go our for breakfast in the morning at 8AM"
Husband (some time later): I cannot. I will run for 7 hours +/- an hour, unless I get hurt, then it will take longer
Wife: You are an idiot.
Which got me thinking. Russell Peters said that 14-year olds should have ridiculous dreams. Mine was to be the next Weird Al Yankovic. Sadly, for me, I lacked chops on the accordion, and although both Al and I were funny looking, his was more in the comical sense and my visage was funny in the way that one's stomach feels funny. Anyway, in that vein, here is a non-musical parody of Green Day's American Idiot that probably reflects how my wife feels right about now.
Why'd I marry an ultrarunning idiot
Why's he have to disappear every Saturday
Not just the morning but the whole damn stinking day
An hour late 'cuz he got lost along the way
Welcome to a new kind of prison
Welcome to a new kind of prison
It's a "sport" I view with derision
Don't even ask if I'm okay
Running porn on youtube every night
Can you clearly see my hairy plight
Four toenails, gross, in black and blue
Well maybe 'cuz my husband's so tryin'
And this 100 mile BS i'm not buy-in'
Stupid shit got me head shaking and sighin'
I just hope he doesn't end up dying.
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